Instagram: Hunger Games

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There is no feeling I fear more than fullness. 🍽 I’ve been sick for days, with absolutely no appetite. Tonight I felt hungry enough to eat a handful of pecans and a few bites of some leftovers. 🍽 Even though I’ve barely eaten for days, I listened to my fullness cues and stopped eating as soon as I knew I was no longer feeling hungry. What I ate wouldn’t even constitute a full meal. So why do I feel nervous about how full I am now? 🍽 Hunger and fullness are hard concepts for me as a #recoveringbulimic and #overeater. I don’t usually wait until I’m hungry to eat; I don’t usually stop eating when I’m full. That was true even before I started bingeing and purging. My #eatingdisorder started with restricting calories. Keeping myself deliberately hungry was the only way I knew I was making any kind of progress. (That’s #edlogic for you.) 🍽 In my mind, hunger became associated with purity. Fullness became irrevocably associated with guilt… and the need to make it go away. Hence purging. 🍽 If I could go back in time 17 years and have the chance to tell myself one thing, I’d tell her this: Get help now. Find help getting healthy the right way. Because if you continue down this road, you’re going to do damage to yourself that will be with you half a lifetime from now. You will go through #edrecovery (and pay plenty for it), you will still not be thin, and anytime you feel as though you have eaten enough food, the feeling of satisfaction will immediately and enduringly be joined by a feeling of having done something terribly wrong.

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